Im gonna start blogging again. I promise, its beeen a CRAZY 2 years. Lots to fill you in on. Ill be back on later for now i gotta go pack.

so ive had the flu for two weeks; just didnt know it was the flu until 4 days ago.

ssooo ive been home all week since wensday no school; no showering [ewwwww] and i havent brushed my hair just left it in a sad looking ponytail ish thing. lol

ive slept way to much and barely ate, im very weak.
but as of this morning ive gotten a bit better and can stand up without fainting.

so ill be good to go to school monday and ill be able to sing for the teen arts festival on wensday!!!!!!!!

and i can go to church tomorrow and sing for youth group! <33

So ive been sick since last sunday; which was during the retreat. It wasnt as bad as its gotten. I lost my voice last friday and stuff. but this week is when it started pilling up

I got home from work orientation and had a 101 temp; later that night it got to 102. && so my mom got me into the docs yesterday and she said i have all the signs of the flu except the acheness but it could be a virus. so they are putting me on medicine and bed rest until monday.


sooo thank goodness im not a junior or else my HSPA week would have turned into HSPA makeups.

well i dont feel like typing more im still pretty weak; seeing as i havent been able to eat since teusday andd my medicine hasnt arrived at the pharmacy yet.

-->He lead me on then dropped me like a bad habit; no suprise that happened

-->Im giving up on relationships, because i cant even get passed the getting to know eachother stage without getting lead on.

-->Apparently ABC wishes me a Happy Presidents Day

-->I love how they think i care what holiday it is.

-->My mom woke me up at 8am to put out the trash

-->I went to bed at one; im a bit tired now

-->Last night you could only hear my voice during the bands playing time, you can hear the band but not the other singers

-->Im thankful im a really good singer.

-->I've been hooked on Boondock Saints; its such an awsome movie

-->I wish a certain someone didnt give up on me, or else there wouldnt be the problem with the last guy, plus i did like him but oh well.

-->I wish i could go back to the dance and change something to make him not give up

-->Moms fixing bacon egg and cheese

-->Youth group has the tendancy to talk about Love all february; lately i havent found reason to believe in a four letter word

-->Maybe that will change; but so far ive only found pain.

mood: confused

-->Valentines day is only a Halmark Holiday in my eyes.

-->I saw the mail man and thought we had mail; i skate on my lawn to get to the mailbox only to find it empty.

-->The wind blew me over on my way there.

-->We had a two hour delay and early dismissal; so i stayed home cause its a pointless two hour day

-->The school machine just called to say we got changed to a two hour delay with a full day; im extremly mad that i didnt go now.

-->Mika is a very funny artist; i love his music. Its all ive been listening too today

-->This time i actually made a promise i cant wait to keep.

-->I think im gaining weight; im gonna cut back on what i eat so maybe ill get healthier

-->Soccer sign ups are this weekend for the boys/girls mixed spring league; i cant wait to be on the same team as DomDom.

-->For Halmark Holiday i got Boondock Saints; and dad took us to dinner

-->I'll celebrate the "holiday" on saturday when my cousin picks me up because shes my valentine.

-->My camera broke a while ago and still hasnt gotten fixed; ive been using my parents in the mean time.

-->I walked off the stage crying twice on sunday; once during rehersal; once during the singing; im glad people followed me and prayed with me.

--If someone told me that even speaking to him would hurt me this much in the long run i never would have started in the first place.

--If someone told me id end up alone every Valentines Day i wouldnt acknowledge the "holiday"

--If someone told me that all guys hurt you the same Id dig a hole and hide there forever.

--If someone told me my life would suck this bad; id travel in time and stop my parents from creating me

--If someone told me id cry this much; id ask God not to create tears

--If someone told me that you cant even trust yourself i would have never believed in the word "truth"

--If someone told me love doesnt exist; id probably stop looking for it and wouldnt be so hurt right now.

--If someone told me id find out the meaning of pain so early in life; id stay young forever.

--Why is it that noone tells you all of these things; and it takes crappy stuff happening to you for you to learn it all.

mood: sad music: youre not alone by saosin

Yes i am in an intense battle of Locker Wars. Dom-Dom gave out my locker number and combo at lunch the other day and its been hell ever since. but dont worry i shall get each and everyone of them back. 10 boys vs 1 girl. i think i have the advantage, i can make them turn on each other and i have informants. this is gonna be a fun 4 months of school. =]

on a happier note, me and Sean have been hanging allll the time now. and hes so sweet and i know he isnt leading me on. we are taking our time and weve liked each other since last year but there are things that complicated it. and since december we were off and on talking. and last weekend we spent the whole weekend together and this weekend we hung out last night for his soccer game, which i thought he was gonna get into a fight in, and today i am going to his house until i go to lindsey's party. sunday he's going to his cousins party sooo i wont see him, but we will be talkin the whole time like always.

well my dad is in the shower and i need to get one since i just woke up and have somewhere to go today. sooo ill be leaving. adios!

mood: thoughtful music: dont matter - by akon

I MADE IT INTO THE TEEN ARTS FESTIVAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
&& THE SMALL ENSEMBLES CONCERT!!!!!!

i was so proud. and yesterday during church choir i had to step up and play the bass; i learned the whole song in 3 mins. im so proud of myself. and i had an amazing day.

i hope today is the same.!

-->Ive had Ricky's sweater since yesterday; it smells really good haha; and its very warm; i think ill give it back to him tomorrow.

-->I dont like rap at all; but Akon "don't matter" is one of my top songs so far.

-->Bibly study is stressful because we are all trying to get out our stories of the week or speak at the same time and you get that lump in your throat tying to hold it in; sometimes i just wanna yell out what im thinking but i bite my tongue and wait

-->I've actually been watching american idol every week, but its after the auditions when i may loose it like always.

-->Right now my dad is pissing me off by playin his music loudly on his laptop; i wish he would invest in headphones, or more or less i invest in a pair for him because i broke his. maybe this is God's way at getting back at me for breaking dad's headphones by smacking them off of my sisters head (long story)

-->So far this year i've become more excepting of myself; and i am taking pride in who i am more than actually trying to change to how everyone wants me too be or how society thinks i should be.

-->Sometimes i honestly wonder why some people go and audition on american idol when they sound so awful; do they pay them to do that? why doesnt anyone tell them how bad they are?

-->I think i could possibly have a hernia in my leg; but im too afraid to ask my mom because she might think im making it up and itll start crap that i dont need.

-->I believe tv commercials should pick their timing, they can really kill the mood. Just now that cute coca-cola comercial where the guy pretends a phone is ringing pulls out a coke and twists the cap (answering a phone) and says its for you and hands it to the girl next too him. Right after that the commercial for the my circl comes on where its the singing telogram breaking up with a girl; it really made me go from awww thats cute to guys are jerks!

-->Teens arts festival tryouts were today; i know we have sounded better before but i also really hope that we make it in; it was just morning jitters and nerves. More on this tomorrow.

-->There is a pain in my right arm; it is sharp and hurts alot; its just started and now there is a random sharp pain in my left thumb; oh joy maybe a heart attack? wouldnt suprise me im so streesed and i know my blood pressure is off the charts; and bible study didnt help with all the trying to speak but we dont have a system in which people take turns its kinda whoever can spit it out fastest.

-->I wish the guy who i liked; and likes me; would get over her and fast because i cant stand waiting. But on the other hand i wish the guy from before didnt stop trying or liking me; but its just my luck for this stuff.

mood: aggravated music: Out of the blue - Aly & AJ

So life is pretty nice right now. Except for a few little tweaks that can be worked out, but its ok because time will straighten everything out.

Ive been a little cupid for a bit; i got Lindsey and Billy together; helping my friend Joe with Shylo; and helping a couple of people pull out their valentines day suprises for their significant others; i wont say who because then the suprises will be ruined, but may i say i can't wait to see the expression on the other persons face, thats the sweetest reward. If only i had someone to do the same for; but i suppose ill settle for helping other people do that.

We were sitting at lunch today and Valentines day came up, suprise suprise haha. Well we were saying our perfect vday haha, im always the romantic one who has the dreams of a vday never comign true. I said "my perfect valentines day is simple; all i want is to show up at school or open my front door to see that one guy standing there with my favorite flowers and a teddy bear." easy enough? yea no. gotta find a guy sweet enough to do such a thing hahaha.

anyway anyone need help or ideas for vday let me know cause ive been giving out ideas and helping people pull them off.

mood: bored music: breathe again

SO i have completed my midterms for the 2006-2007 school year. I think they all went pretty well except for Geometry which was a hugh guessing game. Im most proud of todays test which was History because i got a 92....she graded it while we were sitting there. I have the highest grade in the class and everyone else got like 50s and 60s. The teacher read the grades out loud and when she got to mine she paused, so i was like oh crap, and she was like "Lauren.....92" and everyone like whipped their heads around and looked at me and they started clapping =] && in that moment i felt infinite. What a way to end my midterm week. Tomorrow i have off of school because periods 1 and 2 are gym and teaching assistant which i dont have midterms for them.

Well i kinda started a bond with my history class today. After we all finished our midterms i had a Korean rubix cube with me, instead of colors it has pictures so its extram hard. We all were passing the rubix cube around trying to get it. Sean got one side to have one picture but all the other sides didnt match so we all started over. It was cool because even though we werent aloud to talk we still expressed our thoughts with each other through an object.

Today was a day of acheivment. I havent been happier, well i have, but i havent been more proud. And i had a break through with my mother. She texted me to say that she was proud of my 92 and proud of my effort i put into studying for my midterms, and that she realizes that she needs to start saying that she is proud of me more, because she really is. Im proud of my mother for realizing that and for taking the first step.


Nothing can bring me down today =]

mood: excited

she's got this journal filled
with all her black ink guilt
and love is the only thing keeping her alive
she's got her mind made up
that all she needs is love
her heart is the only thing helping her decide
to breathe again, to breathe again

and when she's tired she doesn't sleep
a week since I've seen her eat
She's skin and bones, she's beautiful
no matter what
I wish I could help her see
she means the world to me
But the world, it doesn't mean much to her

I'll be there to split your lips
like when the ice berg hits
and the ship has to break apart
show its teeth and smile

she's got this journal filled
with all her black ink guilt
and love is the only thing keeping her alive
she's got her mind made up
that all she needs is love
and she'll breathe again
and she'll breathe again
and she'll breathe again
she'll breathe again, again

music: Breath Again

So last night i sang for my youth group; not only in the Risen, but on my own. I shared my story of loosing Christ and then bringing Him back into my life. Sharing this song with everyone was overcoming a lifetime fear of mine; singing infront of people alone.

When i finished my song there was a nice round of applause; the Risen gave me a hug; and after we finished our last song and we all went back to the pews all the rest of my friends gave me a huge hug and Ricky said "you are the coolest person ever" and the one that stuck the most was Keith saying "Lauren im proud of you". Others were saying you did a beautiful job; you sounded great; or you did amazing.

They are such an amazing support group. I love them all.

Well i got to go to school. Hope for a better week; although we have midterms =[

mood: thankful music: Cartel A

I feel like im loosing him, and maybe it's just me taking what has happened before with a similar situation not too long before we began talking, but i do feel as though im loosing him. I just dont know. I guess i cant let what my ex lead me to believe interfere with someone who hasnt lead me to anything but made me feel like there was something. Im so confused and he knows im obviously typing this about him; but im just so confused as to what he is thinking cause we havent been talking lately and i make the effort but its just i feel like i shouldnt i should just let him come to me.


On a better note singing on Sunday by myself = HUGE step; plus sharing my story of loosing Christ and finding him again.
And Teen Arts Festival Tryouts on Feb 7th!!! *wish me luck*

mood: confused music: Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood

So im finally conquering my biggest fear. The one of singing infront of people, solo. I have been singing as long as i could talk. Singing in groups is easy perfectly fine with me. Singing in a group is like a security blanket for me. I guess it's not the fear of standing/singing alone, more the fact of judgement. So im taking the first step in conquering my fear with the Lord. I will be singing on Sunday to my youth group a song that means so much to me, "I can only imagine" originally done by MercyMe. Singing in the church is a better thing because its with my second family. And as Tamer said when he goes up there to sing he blocks out everyone else and its just him and the Lord, and thats alright.

So alot of my other friends or may not normally go to Rise Up are going to support me and listen to me sing. This means alot to me and the more support i can get the better, because it is a big step.

Well it all comes down to Sunday night. I will be asking Mr.Doheny for help for he is my choir teacher.

Anywho on a different note, midterms are coming up so im taking this week to not only prepare but have a stressfree week. Because next week teusday to thursday will be insane. I have a three day weekend becuase Fridays midterms are pds 1 and 2 and both periods i dont have a midterm for [gym, and teaching assistant]

Anyone interested in coming Sunday night, or doing something this friday night, or saturday let me know. =]

mood: grateful music: I can only imagine- MercyMe

There are many things in life that people want too do. Im not different. I have dreams of perfect whatevers, and endless somthings. Im not going to expect for somthing to happen or to come true; but im not fully of hopelessness.

If you've ever seen the movie, A Walk to Remember, than you know what i mean about a list, one full of things to accomplish or reach for before you die. Im no different, i have a list. It's ever growing as i venture into new aspects of life.

The one thing that i thought about alot today as i heard a story from a lady at my church, is i want a "perfect" or really nice Valentines Day. The lady told me of a time when she was a young lady growing up she had a Valentines Day where she wasnt expecting anything, but got everything. Not everything in the views of flowers or whatever, but in the everything of she was finally fully happy for she realized love is all around, and yes she had her time with her boyfriend which she says she wouldnt pass up, but she also experienced the realization that not only does God always love her but that her family, friends, and even enemys do love her. The world is full of love and caring people.

Soo ok yes Valentines Day is my favorite holiday, and yes it is coming up soon, but i want that realization, one year it'll happen, maybe this year, but i want to have a good one. Because the last couple of years havent been the best.

mood: thoughtful music: I'll stay with you by Goo Goo Dolls.

Last night was the Snowball Prom for my church/rockwells. I couldnt have had a better date for the evening. Steve was alot of fun, and i dont think i laughed or smiled more in my life. Of course before he even got to my house i was full of excitement and nervousness; plus a dress that was falling apart haha.

Well when i got off the bus that afternoon i went home and had danielle working on my hair. My mom picked me up at 4 && took me to get my nails done; which the lady almost messed up; plus i started getting sick cause the smell of nailpolish makes me sick. When i got back from my nails danielle finished my hair and then it was time to get dressed cause it was almost 630.

So Steve came over and he met the whole family; except my brother whois at college. And then we were on our way to the snowball. The placed looked great and so did everyone who was there. Dom-Dom kept saying how even Pastor Jerry was getting more action than him. Win With Flynn played two great sets; Steve won the karioke contest, and i ran for prom queen. And Win With Flynn did play my favorite song "Back home" and i got to dance with Steve to it =] that probably made my night.

You probably think it couldn't get better; but you couldn't be more wrong. When we got back to my house we sat on my front porch just listening to music and talking. It's not cold out when you have someone holding you =]

Well last night was so much fun; and i wouldn't have had it any other way.

Theres a picture from last night on my myspace.
www.myspace.com/laurenxx1

mood: happy music: Screaming Infidelities by Joanna

Things you might not know about me....

1. I have low iron; so i get cold very easily; so i always keep a pair of gloves in my jacket pocket.

2. I really do like all types of music, its just 98 percent of rap that i dont like.

3. I've lost more people in my life than any 16 year old should have, some are relatives and some are friends, and i know the next time i see them is when i join them in heaven. RIP

4. I love art, last year i drew all the time and painted, this year i lost my touch and i honestly don't know why, but i have started up again.

5. I've never honestly been in love; but im waiting for it too happen. cause i think love will be great.

6. My eyes tend to change with my surroundings. But mainly they are blue or green.

7. Both of my arms are double jointed; and little kids get a kick out of seeing me twist them all the way around.

8. I realized this year i honetly don't have a best friend; i just have a group of friends, but not alot; cause you only need family.

9. I love to sing, and i do it very well, its just my stage freight and fear of what others will say about it that holds me back.

10. Im waiting for something to change my life, or someone.

11. I have a fear of monopoly; it doesn't have a cool name like my arachnaphobia [fear of spiders] does but it's still a fear. I won't play it; and don't try to make me play it because i will burst into tears. Theres a reason; just ask me.

12. I have absolutly no talent in styling hair, all i can do is straighten it and attempt to scrunch it. Im fine with that.

13. Dixie Chicks were my first favorite country group, and Goo Goo Dolls were my first favorite rock band.

14. Im a daddy's girl, and proud of it. But he doesnt spoil me at all, i have to earn everything i get from him, and i respect him more for doing that.

15. I hate hearing people crack bones, diliberatly, it makes me feel really weird.

16. When i was younger i couldnt write straight, even following a line, so the teacher had me tilt my paper to the side, and ever since then ive been tilting my paper when i write.

17. I like to work and have a job because i feel more responsible and independent, because i hate asking mom and dad for money.

18. Instead of having a sweet sixteen party i passed it up to buy a digital camera.

19. I have a feeling i will regret that when im older.

20. I wear my heart on my sleeve; and will do anything to help anyone in need.

21. I love when people pick at my mind, like asking, "What are you thinking about right now" i dont know why but i adore that.

22. I have a few collections, such as Elvis, PEZ Dispensers, and Teddy Bears, its been my thing since i was little, and people always give me stuff for them.

23. The house i live in now is the same house i was brought to after i was born.

24. Im related to the guy who wrote the book that inspired the Wizard of Oz, and if you have ever seen the movie Braveheart, thats my relative two, the guy the movies based on.

25. The parentals expect alot from me academically because of my brother, and i regret that, but i also am trying really hard to live up to his standards.

26. I hate the discovery channel, and wont even let it be on if im in the room.

27. When im nervous i have the worst routine where i say my ABC's backwards.

28. I can immatate a bird really well; that always works when playing tricks on teachers.

29. I really want to be a teacher for special needs children when i get older. && i plan on getting my masters before i graduate.

30. I dont drink, smoke, or have sex. && i wont have sex until im married.

mood: calm music: Honestly- Cartel

A day full of typical immature high school "enjoyment". The day started fine until Josh, in all his humorous ways, brought to my attention that he had two stink bombs; already allowing one burst upstairs. So the genious that he is, let it loose right next to my locker.

We started a new song in Concert Choir today; i like it alot, its very upbeat and relies on the sopranos and altos, while the tenors and bases sing "shoom shoom" or somthing of that sorts. It's got alot of meaning too it and although i enjoy the song i dont like how the altos have to sing low; as if we are tenors, and it's too low for me. Oh well, to each his own i suppose.

Anywho, i had environmental club today; and the meeting was pretty smooth; probably on account of the fact that i was able to get their attention for a good amount of time since there wasnt as many people as usual.

After that me and Alexis walked to the library and stayed there till 5:10. It was really nice because me and Alexis were best friends in 6th grade until i was forced to elave winslow, due to certain circumstances, and we lost touch. And having this time we were able to catch up more than we have the past couple months.

Well im freezing so im gonna leave
adios amigos

mood: cold music: Back home.

Wow two entries in a row, im on a roll.

So today i took on the roll of nanny and maid. My sister is sick; and my father can barely walk due to back injuries and us being unable to get him into the doctor; finacial stuff involved and such. So my dad woke me up at 9 am to help him get his socks and shoes on; and put his bags into his car for him; after that i went and told my sister to spend the day in bed so she can feel better and that i would clean the house, upon my fathers request, and if she needed anything to call my cell.

As im cleaning i came across a picture, im covered from head to toe in elbow and knee pads and a helmet with roller blades on. I was so short that you could barely see my little body. The one thing you could see was my big smile. I was the happiest little kid around; and even now as a teenager i still carry that through. I am the happiest teenager around. It doesn't take events to occur or people to come into my life for this realization to occur; its just me. I am full of life, i love life, and am living everyday to it's fullest. Going from a six year old covered in adventure of trying to roller blade, to a sixteen year old with messy hair and old clothes suitable to have a day full of cleaning, Im still smiling and living life.

As a line in Garden State goes,
"Are you ok?"
"Yea"
"Of course you're ok, you're alive"

mood: optimistic music: new slang by the shins